The Ultimate Home Project

I've been thinking a lot lately about legacy and what is most important in life.  I'm not sure what led me to ponder such deep thoughts.  Maybe as parents we all wonder at times if the way in which we spend our time day in and day out is the best use of those precious minutes.  Whatever the reason, these thoughts have been swirling around in my mind for the last few weeks.  My visit to my parents' house this week has allowed me the time to reflect on the subject of legacy.

Hanging in the hallway of my parents' house is the gift that I gave to my parents and my in-laws-to-be on the eve of my wedding.  I had wanted to give our parents something meaningful that would mark this momentous occasion in each of our families and so at our rehearsal dinner I gave them a framed family tree of sorts that listed their marriage, the marriages of their children, parents and grandparents.

As I stood looking at it this week, my eye was drawn to the very top, to the names and marriage dates of my great-grandparents.  I thought about how much, or rather how little, I actually knew about them.  I knew their names and their wedding dates (thanks to some investigative work by family members) but other than some vague holiday memories as a small child, I really didn't know who these people were as individuals.

I certainly didn't know or care what kind of sofa they had or if their throw pillows coordinated perfectly with their drapes.  In fact I thought it silly that they would care about such mundane things.  Especially, I thought, if they could see and appreciate what their lives had led to - the continuing of generations of loving, beautiful individuals who were carrying on the family legacy.

These thoughts have led me to consider carefully what I deem important in my own life.  I spend so much time and energy on things that seem important in the moment, but I often wonder...

Will my children care if the beloved living room sofa is beginning to show signs of wear?  Or will they only care that our home was a safe haven for them, a place to find rest in a sometimes difficult world?  

Will my grandchildren care that I never could figure out the right furniture placement in the office?  Or will they only care that they inherited their grandfather's strong work ethic because he instilled the same in his sons?

Will my great-granddaughters care that I never could seem to finish all of my house projects, or will they  only know they inherited an eye for beauty and a passion in creating a loving home environment from their own mothers?

Most of all, will they know God and serve Him with their lives?  Will they show His lovingkindness to those around Him?  Will they love God and love people?  

If this is my ultimate goal for the generations to come after me, then how I spend my time should be a reflection of this goal.  

I do believe that God has created me with purpose and that my passion for creating a lovely home is part of that design.  But I'm smart enough to acknowledge that my passion for creating outward beauty in my home should never surpass my passion for creating inward beauty in the lives of my children.  This is what matters.  This is what is of utmost importance.

The same passion and excitement I feel in creating the next beautiful decoration for my home should pale in comparison to the excitement I feel at a new day of helping to create who my children will be.  I think sometimes I get it confused and switch around the priorities.  I want to be different, though.  I want to live my life in such a way that, even if someday my great-grandchildren only know my name and marriage date, they will be God-serving individuals because of what I chose to do today.

It is for this reason that I have had to accept the fact that my idea of perfection may never come to fruition.  I will never post as many blog entries as I would like, finish as many home projects as are on the to-do list, or ever feel like we have enough money to do everything on my wish list.  But I will strive to live each day with the goal of laying my head on my pillow at night knowing that I gave my all that day to the things of importance.  I gave to the things that will last long after I am gone from this earth.  

Comparing Mommy

Comparing.  We all do it as moms.  We compare parenting styles, post-baby fashion, children's clothing, children's educations, birthdays, Christmas traditions, blogs.  And on and on and on.  Well, today I found myself comparing my delinquency as a parent according to the time at which I dropped off my son at his Montessori school.  Morning drop-off runs from 8:05 a.m. to 8:25 a.m.  You would think that as a SAHM I could get myself semi-dressed and out the door with my 4 year old and baby in time for drop-off.  More often than not, though, we're rounding the corner on two wheels praying that the gate isn't closed - a sign that I'm a delinquent mother and we will have to take the walk of shame through the school all the way to his classroom.

This morning we were running late as usual and we played the game "Open or Shut" to see if the tell-tale gate was open, indicating I was a Good Mom or closed, indicating I was a Bad Mom.  Once the car dropped back onto all 4 wheels we saw that the gate was indeed OPEN!  Yay!  I was a good Mommy!  I dropped of my little Superman and as I was pulling away I looked in the rearview mirror and caught my friend Scarlett, dropping off her daughter.  I yelled "YES!" and probably scared the baby half to death with my joy that someone else was even later than I was.  I felt good.  Vindicated.  I wasn't the worst mommy that morning at drop-off!

Why do I do that?  Is it because as women we're almost programmed to always compare?  Does it really mean I'm a Bad Mom if I'm running late?  Or buy his clothes from Wal Mart?  Or don't send him to the best school in town but rather a really good school just with less prestige?  I know in my heart that this isn't true but it sure is hard to quiet the little voice inside me that is always making me compare myself to other moms.

As I grow and learn in this role of Mommy I hope that little voice gets quieter and quieter and that I learn to be the best I can be and to be content with who I am as a mother.  That's one of the reasons I love blogging and reading other blog posts.  I realize we're all messy, imperfect women who love our children fiercely and are doing the best we can with what God has given us.  I love to learn from other moms, laugh at their travails and find examples from their own lives to help me be the best I can be.   And in doing so, I hope to quit comparing and start just enjoying this journey called life.

How Pregnancy Changed My Body

A head to toe inventory of how lugging around another human being (twice) changed my body.

Hair: I was one of the lucky ones (sarcasm intended) who experienced post partum hair loss.  My hair loss was limited to the periphery of my face and now, almost 8 months later, I'm sporting hairs about 2 inches in length which stick STRAIGHT OUT from my head no matter what I do.  Maybe somebody I'll look like a Breck girl but it ain't happening any time soon.

Eyes:  I woke up one day in the third trimester of my second pregnancy and BOOM! Dark circles.  Since then I've become an expert in concealer.  I could have done without the new knowledge of cream vs powder and the correct dabbing technique to make me look like I don't belong in Night of the Living Dead.

Arms: Evidently those toned arms I sported pre-kids weren't in it for the long haul.  My arms became squishy after having kids and now I have to actually pay attention to all of those arm exercises.

Stomach:  Other than the fact that my stomach was stretched beyond all imaginable girth which caused changes you can imagine for yourself, I used to have a perfectly round belly button.  It was the cutest little 'O'.  Now, that 'O' looks like an eyelid that's been caught in mid-blink and it looks like it's here to stay.

Thighs: Before kids- no cellulite.  After kids - cellulite.  'Nuf said.

But oh, how these children have changes my body in so many other ways as well.

Heart: My heart now walks around outside of my body playing, laughing, singing and smiling.

Eyes: My eyes watch in amazement as these little beings run and roll around my house and I have to pinch myself that they're mine.

Arms: My arms have held, rocked, and carried these children.

Hands: They might not be the hands of a young girl anymore but these hands have brushed away tears, caressed sleeping faces and held hands in the parking lot to keep a little one safe.

My body has been the warm home needed as my babies grew and developed.  It has provided a loving embrace, a lap on which to hear a story, a nose for Eskimo kisses and arms and legs to carry them when they couldn't do it themselves.

Some days I wish for the body I had in my early 20's but with all I've gained, I'll keep my changed body.

Now I'm off to go kiss some sleeping babies...

What I've Learned as a SAHM

February marks my one year anniversary as a stay-at-home mom.  It has been everything and nothing that I expected.  Here are a few things I have learned on my journey so far.

*Having kids = having a cluttered house. And that's okay.

*You really can wash your hair every other day and still look great.

*Zip up hoodies can be dressed up or down.

*Quitting high heels will mean that the next time you don them you will be sore the next day and wonder how you ever wore them EVERY DAY.

*You will learn that the grocery store is populated with completely different types of people at 10 a.m. than at 6 p.m.

*When the package says "Sleep N Plays" your baby will both sleep and play in the same one for at least 24 hours.

*Being content with what you have is perhaps the most difficult thing to accomplish but when you arrive there, it is pure bliss.

*Yes you really will have entire discussions with your child over the plot lines of animated movies, how Diego is Dora's cousin and not her brother, and what would happen if babies could drive.

*You will be clipping coupons on a Sunday evening and realize that you did become your mother after all.

*Most of your adult friendships will be conducted over Facebook, Twitter and text messages but it will mean that although you are home, you are still an individual connected to the outside world and will be the way you stay sane most days.

*Going to Wal Mart alone will be akin to a mini vacation.

*Being around other moms without your children present will be like sunshine to your soul.

*There will be days when you wonder, "are these clothes or are these pajamas?"

*You will really learn how to streeeeetch a dollar.

*You will feel a deep connection with the generations of stay at home mothers who have gone before you.  You will marvel at how they kept a home, raised healthy children and stayed happily married with such grace.

*You will re-kindle your relationship that you abandoned in childhood with the public library and ask it to forgive your affair with Barnes & Noble.

*You will be only slightly embarrassed when you get really excited about finding new ways to clean your house.

*At some point you will have to come to peace with the fact that your job is never done, always present and will require the same energy tomorrow that it did today.

*You will have wonderful plans about keeping a schedule of cleaning, shopping and spending quality time with your children...and then watch those plans fall apart within the first week.

*You will learn to be flexible and take each day as it comes.

*You will covet a mentor mom when you find her.  You'll know she's worth her weight in gold.

*You will go from being irritated that your house looks so "lived in" to reveling in the fact that your house looks so "lived in."

*You will live vicariously through your husband's restaurant lunches.

*You will love your husband even more for trusting that this stay-at-home plan will work out even though you know he's secretly stressed about taking on the financial responsibility alone.

*You will shower and get dressed in something other than sweats and your child will ask "Are we going somewhere Mommy?"

*You will wait for nap time each day like a 5 year old waits for Christmas.

*You will long for time away from your children and then when you get it you will miss them because they're not with you.

*You will thank God for every minute that you get to spend with your children knowing that this time is a blessing.